Live From The Grotto

A DEAR FRIEND OF MINE

With Nothing To Lose, Suggested A While Back That I Start A Vlog – Let’s Give It A Moment – After I Launched This Unnecessary Mess Of A Blog.

Nostradumbass 2020

WHO KNEW?

After My Short-Lived Gigs … 

As An Empath.  Telepathic Marketer (Way Ahead Of The Mind Curve … Take That Google Adsense).  Carrot Reader (Who Knew Beta Carotene Had Clairvoyant Properties?)

I’m Calling A Yuletide Truce

ON HOLIDAZE CHUNKIN’

Time Out With The Festive Noshing & Imbibing … 

Boom.  Shaka.  Laka.

When Sparky Met Molly

THE DINER PROPOSITION

My First Born ‘Darling’ Texted Me Last Saturday Morning … 

Asking, If I Was “Down To Doing Something?”  Exactly.  Down Not Up.

Oh, It Ain’t Happening

NOT IN A MOOD FOR FIGHTING

What’ve You Got To Say?

So, You Don’t Want To Come Out.  Play On The Page.  Take Center Stage.

Fine, Stay Inside.  All Bundled Up With My Other Dumb Thoughts.  Conspire All You Like.

“Mind, Get It Together, Save It For Another Day.”

 

Photo by Steve Johnson from Pexels

 

About Last Halloween

I WENT OUT FOR A DRIVE

To The Side Of Town … 

We Don’t Talk About

Gran Botón Rojo, Esq.

WEIRD IS NOT KNOWING

Just How Many Buttons You Have … 

So, I Counted.  In The Lamest Of Sorted Ways.  Guestimation, Darlings.

Bucket Lust

FUN FACT CONFESSION

Would You Believe … 

This Nitty Gritty Witty Ditty – In Theory – Started With Pure Intentions Of Scribbling A Goofy Bucket List?

Kuchedisms

ALL KINDS

Some Borrowed … 

Some Très Bleu.

If One Can’t Improve On Silence …

NOW’S THE TIME

To Be Perfectly Quiet … 

I’m Doing My Part.  Distilling Stillness.  Not A Word Spoken.

What The Frangipane?

IT TAKES NADA FOR ME

To Admit I Was Wrong … I’ve Been Doing It For So Long …  

So, Reader’s Choice:  Regret.  Shame.  Guilt.

When Sushi Bites Back

OUT NOSHING WITH THE GIRLS

After Work Last Night … 

A Planned Office Thing.  Previous Plans For A Larger Soirée Tanked.  Good Intentions Thwarted.

What’re You Wearing?

WHEN YOU’RE WRITING

Do You Go Casual … Kazee, Kazoo?

Dress It Up

Play It Down

Full Commando?

Puns For Hire

MISSED OUT ON BLACK FRIDAY SALES?

Well, Your “Sunday Go-To-Brunch” Good News Just Got All The Way Awesome ..

“Kuched Is Over-Stocked On Wit.”

That’s All Right.  Surprised?  I’m Not.

Raising Rex

ITS BEEN WEEKS SINCE

I’ve Last Seen Carl …  My Carlito.

I Miss Him.  Dearly.  His Everything-ness.

The ‘Hoochie Koochies’ Are Coming!

WHAT NOW?

Yes, It’s Contagious … 

A Good Thing.  Stop Scratching.  Or, It’ll Scar.

“Don’t Cha Worry, ‘Cause I’ve Got The Fix, My Darlings.”

… The Ointment.  Anecdote to the Antidote to Aunty Dotty.  Topical Greasy Stuff … To Make The Rash Go Away (Before Tinder Swipe Right-Fright-Nite).

Dubya Pea Ghosting?

IT’S PROBABLY JUST ME

And, All Y’all – Feeling The Same Unloved Feeling – Like Déjà Voodoo. 

“What’s Going On With Our Lovely Host?”

Hearing Fables Of Lost Followers: On Again, Pissed Off Again.  Posts Gone Poof, Incognito.  Disappearing Into Sweet Nothings, Darling.

… Who’s Been Hacking My Porridge?

 

Photo by Gilberto Reyes from Pexels

Cool Crap I Really Want For Christmas

IF YOU’RE OUT SWIPING PLASTIC OR LAUNDERING CASH

On Black Friday – or – Taupe Tuesday (Next Week) … 

And, You Feel Like Dropping-More-Than-A-Lump-Of-Coal In My Stocking This Year

So, Chad Called …

FINALLY

Yeah, But Not That Chad, Silly.  Maybe, You Were Thinking Lowe … Rob’s Baby Bro?

Or, Chad Smith.  Drummer (Cool).  Red Hot Chilli Peppers.  

Chad Kroeger – Hey, Did He Ever Get His Nickelback? – Nope, Again.

And, Definitely Not Chad Michaels.  Dude’s Such A Drag … Queen. 

Known Mononymously

I’M SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING

Going All The Way In … 

With A Smarty-Pants One-Word Moniker

“Dropping The Mike … No Mas, Michael … Sans, Miguel … Ciao, Michele.”

… Like That.

Special Blogger Award Nom

MWAH, THANK YOU

To Cupcake Cache Blog for selecting me – Kuched – for the Special Blogger Award Nomination.

This is my second first blogger award nomination; as I received another one – Sunshine Blogger Award – later the same week – and now, have answered them out of order.  Because, I am blissfully clueless as to dates, details and protocol.

Confessions Of My Caffe Fling

GETTING MY DOPPIO ON

Pre-Dawn Glow.  Warming To The Morning Perk.  Caffeinated Bliss.

La Bella Macchinetta Have You Read?  Start There To Getcha Going.

Resting On The Stove.  My, She’s Beautiful, Indescribably So.  Bambina Moka Espresso.

… Ciao, Darling.

Color Fool

BROWN & BLUE

Don’t Go Together … 

I Get It.  I’m Not Color Blind.  A Case Of Myopic Style Sense, Sure.

“But, That Didn’t Stop Me From Committing Treason Against The Rainbow Yesterday.”

… Or, Fashion Blasphemy.  Voluntarily Frump Day.  Got My Ew On.

Cracked Shells

IT’S NOT LIKE I GO BUNGY JUMPING

Sky Diving.  Rolling Bocce.  Rock Climbing.

On My Way Home From Grocery Shopping.

“My Free-Run Brown Eggs Rarely Make It To ‘Mi Casa es Su Casa’ The Way They Left The Chicken.”

… Maybe I Should.

Dollar Store Hombre

I DIDN’T SEE THIS ONE COMING

I Mean, I Don’t Fit The Marketing Demographic … And, I’m Not The Type … 

Who does?  Who is?

I’d managed to avoid the “Almost Anything For A Buck” Store

… Until Curiosity Dragged Me In.

The Dingleberry Hop

BUFFY’S MY GIRL

Eyes Of Cleopatra …  

Silky Sheen On Striped Tabby Coat

Mittens White As Snow.

… Bastet Reincarnate … My Giza Kitty.

Tic Toc, Capisce?

YOU MAY BE WONDERING

Why I’m Not Amused & Awake At This Unholy Hour …

Not Now.  Back in the Pre-Dawn Morning.  Hanging Under The Moon.

Scribbling Away.  Blogging-It-The-Hell-Out-Of-Me.  Trying To Post Up.

U & Me

WE HAVE AN ODD RELATIONSHIP

We’re Toxic Together … And, We Can’t Live With Or Without Each Other …

It’s On Me.  I’m A User.  An Abuser.

Neglectful.

… It’s A Bad Habit Of Mine.

Girls Night Out (Act Two)

TURNED OUT TO BE A BIG “DRAG”

Literally, As In … The Rocky Horror Picture Show … Fo Sho!

An unwatchable parade of Tuck n’ Taped – Female Impersonators – Doing The Time Warp.

The Opening Number at The Opening (Night) of a new Interior Design Joint.

It’s Not So Bad …

BEING A FASCIST SOB

Banning Halloween Treats @ The Office.

I mean, I’ve got The Resting Pr!ck Face for it.  So, Why Not?

He’s A Halloweenie Meanie. 

I’ve Been Called Substantially Worse.  Indicted Just The Once.  Plea Bargained It Down To Being A Fool.  So, My Records Clean.

Slim, Slick & Shady

MAÑANA CAME & WENT

And, Tuesday’s Valiant Plans Went Straight To Crap … 

Check out the doppio Mañana, Mañana for an essential refresher

Before reading – Skipping-To-Like – any further.

I Know, Right?

Whenever Another Guy

PAYS FOR A NIGHT OUT

I Feel Weird … 

Not Twitchy Weird.  Just Regular Weird.  Because I’m Probably Weird.

Like Last Night.  For Instance …

“When We Were Bromancing It Up.”

 

Che Cazzo?

“DUBYA TEE EFF”

Is Going On … Question?  Statement! 

Exasperated.  Emphatic.  Emotion.

Cussin’ is a Lazy-Tongued Habit – Leaving The Mouth – When Something More Dignified Can Be Said.

Swearing in any language.  Necessary on Occasion.  When I’m Feeling Continental.

The Bane Of Holiday Jumpers

DON’T CHA JUST WANNA SMACK …

Every Last One Of The Greedy Bastards?

“The Avaricious Whoring Of Holiday Retail Merchandising Has Leapt Way-Out-Of-Season And Out-Of-Bounds.”

Christmas Lights strung over Jack O’Lanterns!  Blasphemous. 

So, What’s It Going To Be:  Trick or Treat – or – Seasons Greetings?

My Pretty Mess

THIS MAKES A HUNDRED

The Century Club.  Made It.  Cento, Cool.

Does WordPress give out anything – Gift Cards, Coupons, Purple Ribbons, Swag, Yadacetera – to commemorate One-Hundred Posts?

The 7 Or Was It 9 Of Us?

WALK INTO A BAR

Stop.  Back Up.  To The Beginning …  

Okay, we didn’t actually get in to the bar.  Not on the first couple of attempts.  That would’ve been way too easy.  Of course, My Brethren don’t Do Easy easily.

Epic Fails also isn’t our thing.  And, No is never an option.  Such was the elevated conundrum in imminent need of a viable solution.  Then again, collectively-speaking, we had 3 Undeniably “Jealous Much?” Essential Things Going For Us:

Frank’s Trifecta

An excerpt from ‘Rampart Red‘ – Copyright © 2015 by Michael A. Kuch

JUNE 22, 1979

After The Last Day Of High School … 

Milo and Percy sat shoulder to shoulder stooped like pigeons on the front porch steps of the Como’s bungalow watching Donny and Sam in the driveway.

“No freakin’ way,” Donny said, sucking on an orange popsicle.  “Not a chance, my man.”

“What’s the problem?” Sam asked.  “It’s got plenty of room.”

Sam was rinsing the hood of his mom’s 1964 Rambler American convertible.  Rampart Red.

We Should Talk

GIRLS, PLEASE SAY SOMETHING, ANYTHING

The Guys Need Help … Tout de Suite … 

This mess has gone beyond My Humble, Always Jaded Opinion … from Bad Sci-Fi to The Un-See-Able Mortification of Vanity.

An intervention of Armageddon proportion is needed to Save The Males from Themselves, because the Ragazzi are not going to do it alone.

 … I Promise To Help Where I Can, But Please Keep In Mind I May Be Part Of The Problem.

My Valentine To Walmart

I GOT ALL COLLOQUIAL ABOUT IT

Wearing My Best Worst Resting Pr!ck Face … I Dropped:

“Oh, No You Ditten.”

Delivered with just enough of a hint of Incredulous Sarcasm warmed over by Hurry It Up, Saturday Mornings Don’t Last Forever, Daisy … 

To clue in the obvious that neither one of us wanted to be there … to the smartphone-brandishing, dismissive Little Miss As-If-Whatev’s hiding in plain sight behind the Big Blue Counter of Purgatory … about the two most important parts of Customer Service:

Nice-ish Paying Customer (All About Me) and At-Least-Feign-The-Part-Of-Giving-A-Hey-Now-About-Service (All About You).