“Octubre. Oktober. Ottobre.”

In Any Language – Spell It However Y’all Like – The Big Oh’ber Is A Cool Freakin’ Month. Inarguably, Better Than Whiny Pants February, A Month Clearly Without Friends, And If Not For Fakey, Flakey, Needy Valentine’s Day, Loveless For 28 (Or 29) Cold Ass Days.


Mostly, Orangey N’ Pumpkin Themes On The Fall Before Wintertime Sets In With Its Constant Snowy Companion – Frozen White Stuff – Which Is Just Pretty Rain That’s Been Properly Chilled And Given A Makeover For The Big Reveal.

Octo-A-Go-Go Is The Month Of Transitional Weather On My Patch Of Paradise – 4 Distinct Seasons As The Universe And Its Divine Maker Intended – A Variety/Pleasure Pack Of Mother Earth’s Quarterly Changing Positions With The Sun, Giving Solstice’s And Equinox’s Equal Play Time On The Climate Charts.

And Mostly, Where Farmers Get Their Goof On With The Almanac And Sniff The Air For I Haven’t A Clue. Also, Thank You, Every Farmer Who Has Ever Lived.

“Does Anyone Read The Old Farmer’s Almanac Any More?”


Here’s A Few Of My Fav’s:

There’s The Canadian Thanksgiving – Family Turkey/Tofurky Talk – He/Shenanigans At The Table … Dumb Debates Over Stuffing … The Heresy Of Canned Cranberry Sauce?

The Second Of My Semi-Annual Birthdays: April Is The First. But, You Knew That Even When You Pretend To Ignore It Like The Situation Of 8 Days Ago. I’m So Over The Snub 🙂

“Hallowe’en, Perhaps Not This Year, Little Darlings. Boo-Hoo, Really?”

You’re Welcome – Thank Me In 10 Years Or Less – Screw Tooth Decay, Too. This Message Was Not Brought To You By Your Local DDS Or The Makers Of Sugary Shit.


I Adore …

Nearly As Much As …

Leaf Fights In The Yard.

“I Prefer Dry Leaves Over Wet Leaves, But Not By So Much I’d Have To Mention It In A Blog Post – Still – Wet Leaves Clinging To My Car’s Windshield Is A Necessary Rite Of Passage. Getting Stuck Under The Wiper Causing Smear Streaks, Not As Much Love …”


Here’s A Kind Public Service Announcement For Blow-Hard, Lazy Bastards Living On My Street:

“Please Stop Blowing Your Leaves With A Leaf Blower – Pick Up A Rake, Daisy – Or Call Me. I’ll Send In Reinforcements. I Have Leaf Conservationists Standing By. Ready To Pull. Pull. Pull. Also, Yeah, You Need The Exercise … That’s How.”

Simple: Scoop & Drop Into A Recycled Paper Bag The Size Of A Small Meteor. Off To The Compost.

Also, Please Don’t Burn A Mound Of Dry Leaves Like Someone I’m – Sort Of, Not By Choice … – Related To, And Burn Down Your Backyard And Half Of Both Neighbor’s Wooden Fences, Plus The North End Of Toronto Endangering 6.5 Million Torontonians. Just. Don’t.


Growing Wild On The Old Streets Of Toronto …

Black, Grey And Brindle Squirrels (Hey, Isn’t That Just A Big Chipmunk?). Little Nutty-Breathed Rodents With Furry Plume Tails Running Across Telephone Lines.

“The 9th Most Amazing Damn Thing In The Animal Kingdom?: Canada Geese Flying In Formation – Don’t Think So – You Try It With 18 Of Your Besties?”

Infatuated By Cold Rain – Real, Purposeful Rain That Drops Hard, Puddles-Ups, Gets Me Properly Soaked And Miserable The Way Nature Intended – Not Drizzly Mist That Can’t Make Up Its Wussy Mind …


Everywhere My Mouth Is …

And, Now, Because I Believe I Make A Pretty Decent Apply Crumble – Apple Crisp – Apple Mess, I Can Wax Poetic About Cinnamon, Toasted Oats And Brown Sugar.

“Ooey. Gooey. Goodness.”

Forget About What I Said About Tooth Decay.

That Was For Kids, Silly Rabbit.


The Perfect Time When Layered Clothing – Perhaps, With The Exception Underwear – Is The Thing.

Tweeds. Corduroys. Wool.

Because Chocolate Brown Looks Effing Awesome With Burgundy

“70’s Plaid Anything.”


Autumn Is Everything Spring Promises …

But Doesn’t Follow Through On – Yep – I Just Dissed On Spring.

Spring Romance? Sure, Love Buds In April; The Obvious Starter To The Good & Plenty Heart Of The Story.

“C’mon Now – Fall Is Where Magic Blooms – Hearts Are Warmed.”


My Blessed Little October – Trolling Past The Halfway Mark With Two Weeks Left – Has Got Me Funk’d Down And All The Way Out.

So, I’m Calling It – The Month Of October In 2020 – To Be Done … Skedaddle From Today Onward – For The Next 15 Days – I’m Changing The Date On My Calendar.

Today Is -15 November. Tomorrow -14 November. Sunday -13 November.

“That’s 45 Blissful Days Of November For Math Junkies.”


I’m Timing Out – Bailing On My Favorite Month (Like It Was Late March And No One Was Paying Attention) – Chucking In The Pumpkin-Spiced Hand Towel.

No More Pinches Of Nutmeg & Cinnamon Sticks To Swirl Me Around. Damn It, Rum Toddy’s Are Just On The Horizon.

I’m Skipping Ahead To November – The Month Of The Dead – The 1st Is All Saints’ Day And The Second All Souls’ Day. That’s How Much I Want Out Of This Month …

” … The Passing Of A Dear Old Friend … The Pain Of A Child In Need That Strains My Limitations As A Parent … Or, Is The Lapsed ‘Was I Ever A Boy Romantic?’ In Me … Anxious For A Drive In The Country To A Farmer’s Market Today … Ought To Make Some Of It Better. Bearable.”


For Once …

I Can Wait.

Take Your Time And The Ugly Bug You Brought With You.

“Winter – Shhhhhhh – Not Now … I’ll Let You Know When I’m Ready For The Turtle Neck.”

Image by Alexas Fotos from Pixabay

20 thoughts on “Spooked!

  1. Silk Cords

    That thing with the leaf blower got a chuckle. I remember this blurb in an OLD comedic routine… I think it was George Carlin, complaining about the burbs being a street full of bleeps all blowing their leaves into their neighbor’s yard.

    Definitely sounds like Carlin.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. SnapDragon X.

    Love love love this! Also, I have a problem with compulsively buying magazines when I’m about to check out at the grocery store. I recently saw The Farmers’ Almanac and seriously had to stop myself. Should it be my next shameful(less) purchase? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ashleyleia

    Bring on the tooth decay! And here’s a look—70s plaid underwear layered on top of chocolate brown corduroy. That might even be enough to send the leaf-blowing neighbours into a strategic retreat.

    Liked by 2 people

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