Beets Me, Boris


To The Search Category On Kuched …

Joining Such Ubiquitous Essentials As: Life – Confessions – Humor – Satire – Shorts. And, The Soon-To-Released Darlings … Ka-Ka-Say-Ional and Meh-Vel-Ous.

Adding Nonsense Seemed Obvious Because I’d Bought 10 Lbs. Of Fresh Beetroot – Beta Vulgaris To The Botanical-centric Smarty Folks … Phytologist … If You Must – Last Sunday.

“Oh, How Betterave, Bertrando.”


I Divided A Goodly Portion Of The Bloody Burgundy Bulbs And Dumped A Batch In A Large Stock Pot Filled With Clean, Potable Tap Water The Mama Once Did … And Simmered Until Nearly Tender – So Al Dente, Dante – And “Pickled” The Betelgeuse Out-Of-‘Em In A Brine Of Apple Cider Vinegar, Curated Regret And Look-At-The-Holy-Mess-I’ve-Just-Made-In-The-Kitchen-Carl!

A Local Discount Grocer, “No Frills” – My Once-A-Month Diversion Whenever I Feel The Urge To Stretch-A-Buckeroo Excursion – Was Running a Beet Sale.

“Exactly Who Can Resist The Primordial Pull Of A Beet Sale? Not Me – Enough Reason That I Scooped Up A McChunky Ten-Pounder (4.5 Kg) Bag For $1.99. And, With The Purchasing Power / Means@Hand, I Was Puppy-In-Snausages-Happy To Be In A Blessed Position To Procure The Big Sack.”

At A Fraction Less Than $0.20 A Pound, I Kept Blue Idling Out Front Just In Case The Produce Manager – A Barely Mustachioed Fellow Drabbed Down In A Black & Gold Company ‘Apron-Smock-Lab Coat Uni’ … I’ll Call Phil (Not Phillip) – Ever Got His Senses Back And Stopped The Sale. Okay, It Wasn’t Actually A Beet Sale – More Beets On Special Weekly Promo – But Where’s The Fun In That?


The Big Sack Is A Crapola Bundle Of Beets … Possibly 9 Lbs. Way-Too-Many … For Me.

As One Fully Realized, Rationalized, Non-Marginalized, Masculine-Positive Dudeman With A Reasonable Appetite/Appreciation/Apprehension – Foodie Fondness – For Beets And The Color Betanin, I’ve Tapped Deeply Into My Beet Peak. Betanin = Fancy Pants Red With A Purple Primer = Stainiest Pigment Known To Humanity.

Si, Si … I Donated A Small Heap To My Ragazzi – Uno & Due – When The Kuched Sequels (Male Offspring No. 1 & No. 2) Popped In For Dinner With Dad Last Weekend.

The Rest?


A Baby Bundle To Fellow Blogger Das Heidi Of The Honest Design Blog – Ooops, Was That A Non-Compensated Plug For The Upstart Design Diva’s? – But I Haven’t Delivered As Yet.

Heidi Is Ehtch (pronounced: 8’cha) = Heather. She’ll Take Two Bulbs. That’s What She Said After I Asked. I’m Strictly Enforcing A 4-Bulb Minimum. We’re In Negotiations. I’ll Settle At 3 – If She Likes This Post – But She Owes Me, Right?

I Should Also Mention, Das Heidi Has A Partner, Amy-Not-Aimee. Not Actually A Partner Partner Partner – But Still, Never Mind The Semantics – Bee-Eff-Eph’s From The Way Back Glory Days, Which Is KuchedSprechen For They Just Might Be The Next Big Deal You Mayn’t Have Heard About – Yet – So, Get In There And Follow. The Honest Design Blog. Big Creative + Design Talent. Bigger Hearts. Honest-To-Goodness. Really, Next Level Social Media Influencers – Sans Elevated Egos – Making A Ripple-Splash-Quake.

HGTV Will Probably Discover Them After You Do. Shame Lame Blame. Let Eh + Ehtch Know I Sent You. There’s A Big Thank You In It For All Y’alleses. And, A Beet Bulb, Baby.


The Last Time I Made Borchst I Spelled It Borsch Or Borsht.

I Was Single, Living Alone, Ambitious, Full Of Promise/Potential, Full Of Poop/Popcorn … And, Happy-Happy-Happy …

Like I Am Today – Just Not 21 – And Way Poopier.

“And, I’m Back – Beguiled By Borshch – With A Multitude Of Varietal Spellings. Here’s Another 3-Take: Boarsche. Boresht. Borished.”


A Reality Unravelling Behind Me – Over My Shoulder – In My Newest Kitchen Darling:

A Sensible-Sized 5-Quart Proper Dutch Oven. Old School Slow-Cookery.

“I Swiped Online For A Value-Quality – Roll Back / Don’t You Damn Think About It / Screw Cognitive Dissonance – Option From The Beautiful People’s Republic Of Walmart. We’re Enjoying A Temporary Truce After My Jacked-Up Licorice-Flavored Valentine To Them Whenever That Was …”

It Comes Courtesy Of The Pioneer Woman. In The Greatest Color Ever Baked On Enamel-Coated Cast Iron Cookware – Aqua – Call It Teal, Even Once, And We’re Not Friends Anymore. Ah-Kwuh. Og-Wah?


Being A Shameless Fan Boy Of The Iconic French Brand Le Creuset Has It Limits …

For Instance And Assorted Whatnots, How Can I Justify Spending Over $600 On A Pot? For The Oven. Well, I Can Because I’m Genetically A Self-Indulgent Dink With Materialistic Consumerism Leanings Whenever I Start Jones’ing/Wang’ing Over More Crap I Don’t Need. But, Here’s The Inflammatory Rub: Am I That Daft A Dumbass?

“Please Submit Your Answers/Best Guesses In The Comments Section Below. Remember To Hashtag It: #NotSureWhatYou’reTalkingAbout. #Yep. #LittleBit. #Sure. The First 1,000 Correct Answers Will Receive A Complimentary Digital Copy – Free-Download Code – Of The Preamble To My Never-To-Be-Released Bio, “Delusions Of Adequacy: Da-Da-Da.”

… Just When A Pretty Darn Good Ol’ American – Made-In-China – Specimen Costs Significantly Under A Cool Hundo.


I May Never Care To Know … It’s A Question I Don’t Believe Warrants A $500 Premium To Ante Up To Find Out.

Or, Put Another Splendid Way:

“Would A Good Cook … Cook-As-Well … As A Good Cook Could Cook … Could A Woodchuck Chuck Wood … With A Less Premium Brand?”

Auguste Escoffier May Have Claimed Otherwise Asks My Inner Julia Child.

Image by Anna Sulencka from Pixabay

15 thoughts on “Beets Me, Boris

  1. Writer of Words, etc

    I hated them as a kid and teenager – too vinegary straight out of the jar…My mom never served them. I don’t know if Italians or Swiss don’t eat beets…because the Germans do. We didn’t.

    In the meantime NOW I roast them and mix them with arugula and feta cheese, drizzle with olive oil and a touch of balsamic vinegar, and sprinkle with cracked pepper. I could eat that every day if only it wasn’t so messy to prepare. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. hanrs

    Thank you for the generous gifting of Beets. I’ll have to figure out what to do with that extra 150 gram crimson nugget.
    But, more importantly, a big, bodacious Thank You for your benevolence! Your introduction and inflated hype of THD is beyond appreciate!…perhaps measureable (unless of course it can be divided into three)!

    Liked by 2 people

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