MY AWESOME SAUCE ACCOUNTANT
Completed My 2019 Tax Return Yesterday …
Its An Annual Saturday Afternoon pil-Grim-age Typically Held Before The End Of April At His Home Office, Nestled In An Upscale Suburban Neighborhood Littered With Backyard Pools, Lovely Landscaping And A Minimum Of Two German Luxury Vehicles Parked In Four-Car Driveways.
“I Don’t Live In This Neighborhood, But I Occasionally Fantasize About Spending A Weekend There Hosting A Pool Party And Two-Night ‘Moët & Chandon’ Bubbly Bender In The Cabana When He’s Off On An Annual Family Vacation Across Europe.”
I Haven’t Seen Il Padrino Of Bean Counters In Two Years – Or Is It Three? – As I’m Represented By Legal Proxy In The Matter. All Good, Cryptically-Speaking. As In Mutual Convenience Makes For Happiness Perpetuated.
SAVING MYSELF 2 HOURS
Was Smartly Re-Invested In Playing With My Furry Dependents – Raffi And Buffy – Of The Puppy & Kitten Show … And, A Few Other Highly Desirable Activities:
“Chilling With Uno & Dewey – Kuched Sons Of Anarchy No. 1 And No. 2 – aka: The Inheritors Of ‘Meh, That’s All You’re Leaving Us, Dad?'”
Shopping For Groceries And Toiletries. Warming Up Netflix – Medici – Two Episodes Of Season One Last Night. Carb Loading On Beige Nosh-able Treats.
And, Most Brilliantly – To My Nearly Martyred Creative Relief – Finally, Scribbling The First 1,000 Words To The Opening Chapter Of “In The Shitter” (Copyright © 2020 by Michael A. Kuch).
THIS YEAR
The Canada Revenue Agency Extended The Deadline For Federal Tax Filing Until June 1, 2020.
Cool. Thanks For The Extendo-A-Go-Go. Appreciate It.
“I’m A Rare Doofus Who Actually Enjoys Filing His Taxes. Right. It Wasn’t Always That Way.”
Because Audits Have A Way Of Changing Mindsets Rather Quickly. Adjusting Attitudes. Heavy Fines Are Not As Much Fun As Romanticized About In Hollywood Or CNN Or TMZ.
AS A LOVINGLY REFORMED PASSIVE TAX ANARCHIST
Wait For It, My Darlings …
I’m Good With Paying My Fair Share. Take Whatever All Y’alleses Need Based On My Earnings. Leave Me Enough To Get By To Do The Six Things I Enjoy Doing In This Blessed Life.
“I Remain A Trifle Confused Though. Not Clueless. Perhaps, It’s Just Curiosity …”
Why The Overtaxing Up Front? Twelve Consecutive Months Of Moderately Weighty Taxes … Just To Even The Tally At Year’s End, Err, The Following Spring?
ISN’T THERE A BETTER WAY?
Don’t Get Me Wrong …
I Love Playing With Numbers. Fidgeting With Decimals. Getting Giggity … Going Gaga.
“I Toyed Around With An Abacus In Pre-School. Lead-Painted In Fire Engine Red. Pretty Much The Model Used During The Medici Renaissance Of Money Usury.”
A Couple Years After Counting With My Baby Toes. Keep It Simple, Sweetheart. Signed With All My Love From A Happy Tax-Abiding Apologist.
Image by Dimitris Vetsikas from Pixabay
lucky you; I haven’t quite finished my taxes. once I heard the deadline was pushed back, I took full advantage and put them aside for a couple of months.
And quite the catchy book title you’ve got there; just 59,000 more words to go… 🙂
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Yes … a working title … for now, but it accurately describes the predicament of two brothers hustling to earn an honest dollar while up to their necks in merde 🙏
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It will get people’s attention!
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The title was enough for me, great linguistic find! 🙂
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Thank you, sir 😊🙏
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😉
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🙂
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