Day Of The Hypotarian

I’M THREE WEEKS IN TO SOMETHING

I’ve Been Doing On/Off For Over 30 Years …  

Let’s Go Back To Confessions Of A Hypotarian.

I’m Claiming Victory Progress.  I’m Not Getting Ahead Of My Hypocritical Self.  But, I’m Walking At A Quicker Pace.

“It Just Feels Better Eliminating Beef And Pork From My Diet.  I Can Look At Cows And Pigs, Again.  Like We’re Friends.  Sure, It’s Weird Between Us.  It Doesn’t Have To Be …”

 

CHICKENS, WE SHOULD TALK

It’s A Process … 

Weaning Off Poultry.  De-Clucking.

Reducing Is One Thing.  Taking A Hard Pass On Feathered Fowl.  Very Doable.

“I’ve Been Here Before.  I’m Back.  Flippy-Floppy.”  

 

WISHY-WASHY, FISHY-FASHY

If It – This Thing Of Mine – Needs To Be Labelled … 

My Current State-Of-Flux – Transitioning From Smug Reducetarian (Eating Less Animal Protein, Eggs, Butter) To Smarmy Flexitarian (Primarily Vegetarian-Based With Occasional Meat Consumption) – I’m Nearly Pescatarian (Fish+).

Confused?  Imagine How The Animals Feel?  Are We Friends, Or Are You Going To Turn Around And Y’Know … My Easiest Explanation:

“I’m Not Comfortable Being On The Other Side Of The Fork And Knife Any More.”

 

PLIGHT OF THE HYPOTARIAN

No, I Don’t Eat Hippopotamuses …     

It Means, I Might Fuck Up A Bunch Of Times.  It’s What Humans Do.  We’re Better At It Than Any Living Creature.

It Also Means, The 6-Pack Hibernating Under A Veil Of Carb Love, Will Likely Stay At The 2-Pack I’m Bragging On Now.

“There’s Worse, Un-See-Able Crimes Against Humanity.  Like Plumber’s Butt = Ass Cleavage.  Crotch Huggies.  Clingy Beater Tees.  Size-Inappropriate Anything.  Doug In Biker Shorts – Cojones Clammy Clampy – Sweating On The Elliptical.” 

 

IF THE HYPOTARIAN LIFESTYLE

Adds 42 Days To My Life, I’m Not Complaining …  

I Want To Go Out Strong.

My Way.

“… On Your Time, Dear Lord …”

 

Image by Public Domain Pictures from Pixabay