Remember When Dumb Shit Mattered?

SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF

Living Life Our “Special Way” Was A Big Deal To Us … And, Only Us? 

Way Back When Carbs Were The Enemy.  Calories Counted.  Guys Wore Dirty Man Buns?

“… We’d Lost Our Fucking Minds Over Gluten; The Stretchy Stuff In Bread We All Love-To-Hate And Dump On Poor, Hungry Bastards For Chewing Baked Dough As Though They’d Killed Kittens … Went Monkey Shit Crazy In Mortal Fear Of Protein In Wheat Flour?”

… Because We’re Adorable, Obsessive Dinks.

 

YOU DOING YOU

Us Doing Us … Oprah Doing Planks … Fred Doing Barney.   

Hitting The Zenith Of Self Love Cross-Pollinated -Polluted With It’s All About Me To Epic Fails At The Altar Of I … We Nailed It: Substituting The ‘Less’ For ‘Ish’ …     

“… And, So Begat The Culture Of Neo-Giggityism And An Exoskeleton Egostorm Of Elevated Vanity To Follow To The Great Derailment Of Faith In Anything Other Than Self …”  

… After All, We’re Just Closeted Glenn Quagmires Trying To Get Some, Right?

 

WALKING NOWHERE WAS EXERCISE

Recording Every Single Step – Like We’d Discovered The Elixir Of Life / Fountain Of Youth – Left, Right, Left, Right …

On An Impossibly Ugly Chunk Of Digital Jewelry Dangling From Our Bony Wrists.

“Yapping To Anyone Within An Earshot Of Not Giving A Flipping Fuck About The Number Of Laps Around The Mall?”

… Oh, We’re Needy Trolls.

 

BLEACHED 2-PLY TREE BARK ON ROLLS

Wasn’t The God Of Currency … 

“We Collected Followers.  Counted Likes.  Gave Ourselves Blue Ribbons And Participation Trophies For Showing Up Even When We Didn’t Show Up.”

Our Value System Re-defined By Emoji’s.

… Acronyms And Abbreviations: Lexicons Of Texting.  LOL.  Language Of Lazy.

 

WE CURATED FRIENDS

Besties For Life … 

Formed Relationships.  Nurtured Fellowship.  Bonded Online.

“Without Ever Meeting In Person.  Ain’t So Bad.  Making Friends.” 

With A Click Or A Swipe.

 

DREAM TEAM: SPANDEX & DENIM

We Wedged Our Fat Asses Into Skinny Jeans … 

Never Once Thinking About The Poor Zipper Hanging In For Dear Life. 

Winked In The Mirror.  Cha-Cha-Cha.  ‘Sup?

“… How’d We Ever Convince Ourselves Delusion Was Only A Myth?”

 

Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay