Pretty In The Apocalypse


We’d Suck At Survival … 

Y’Know, If The Apocalypse Goes Into Full Fucktard Mode And The Whatnot Becomes The WTF.  Life As We Chose It.  Dumped Deep Into The Shitter.

Yesterday, I Got A Glimpse Of Elevated Idiocy During The First Day Of Dress Rehearsals.  The Rotten Core Of Ignorance, Greed And Selfishness.  Together, Again.  The Hoardable Truth: Now Available In A Convenient 3-Pack Of Discontent.  While Supplies Last.

“Shitty Wasn’t Pretty … Achtung, Dinks & Doofusses: Please, Keep On Your Side Of The Fence And Outta My Lane … I’m Not So Fond Of Your Avaricous Kind.”


The Military Trained Folks … Would Fly Through The Final Days … 

Like The Last Smores At A Camp Fire About To Extinguish.

Cool To Be A Boy Scout.  Girl Guide.  Crocodile Dundee.  

“Doomsday Preppers: Hey, I Never Thought Y’all Were Crazier Than Me … How’s The Bunker Stocked And Can You Stream Pornhub Netflix Down Below?”


Dougie/Diggity In Accounting.  Sorry, JimBo.  Martin In Mergers & Acquisitions.

Bean Counters Are In The Second Wave To Get Dumped Into The Simmering Fricassee Of Discarded Humanity When The Cannibals Invite Themselves Over For Dinner.  After Divorce Lawyers.    

Remember Bugs Bunny In The Smoldering Hot Pot?  Rabbit Season.  Duck CPA Season.

“We’re Going Back To The Abacus, By The Way.  Fingers & Toes.  Sundial.”  


Heck, It Wasn’t So Bad Knowing Ya … 

With Your Dandy Beard Tonics.  Special Oils & Styling Combs.  120-Piece Moustache Grooming Kit.  $89 Haircuts.  

You Made Creepy Cool.  Being A Poseur … Somehow A Thing Of Envy.  Feigning Irreverent, Palpable.  Applauso, Marshall.

“Hey, You’ve Heard About The Global Plaid Shortage Just Announced By The Great Scottish Tartan Weavers, Right?”


My Brethren … Bros Facing Extinction.  The Horror.  The Horror.

Fun Fact / Confession:

I Did A Dry Run On Wednesday.  I Left The Grotto Without Face Balm.  Sans Moisturizer.  And, Aghast, Very Nearly Skipped My Lavender & Bergamot Scented Hair Molding Paste.  Damn.

“Yet, Against Incalculable Odds, I Survived, My Darlings.  Because I’m A Fighter Capable Of Being Less Vain … Let This Be The Inspiration For All The Pretty Bastards To Continue In A World Without Hair Lotions, Spritz And Styling Agents.  Free Of Mantastic Facial Creams …”


You’re Next … 

When The Peroxide Supplies Run Out.  And, Atomic Suicide Blonde Fades To Really, Who Knew The Drapes Didn’t Match The Carpet? … When The Dark Roots Pop Up … Don’t Cha-Cha-Cha, Worry, Baby.

I’ll Be Here To Welcome Back The Brave Beautiful Brunettes.  Jusaying. 

“You Can’t Count On Non-Judgmental Me.”


Image by Dean Moriarty from Pixabay

10 thoughts on “Pretty In The Apocalypse

  1. Writer of words

    I created a bag to carry with me in the car months ago when I suffered from am eye infection. In it I have various eye items to help me out if I’m driving but have eye issues: drops, contact case, distance glasses, reading glasses, sunglasses, saline solution etc. After a while I started to add a few other things. Deo was the first item because you can’t wear it for a mammogram and I wanted to put it on after. Then, a hair brush. Next some hygiene supplies…pretty soon I added mascara and anyway….lol. I call it my apocalypse bag now. I can survive intact for at least a week. And my hair won’t be frizzy either. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jim Borden

    if Dougie is like me, he would have no practical skills with which to survive, so I completely understand…
    it sounds like you the virus is helping you to create your ideal world 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Michael A. Kuch

      Well, alas I was able to pay homage to “JimBo” … meh, I’ve just been cranky with the nonsense around me. I’ll get over myself. BTW, all the accountants at my office “tolerate” me because I’m fiduciary literate. 😎

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jim Borden

      I think we are all a bit cranky now; I’m just happy Trump didn’t ban travel from Asia to America. And I’m sure all the accountants at your office secretly wish they were you 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • Michael A. Kuch

      Funny thing: We do an Executive/Senior Manager’s Retreat once a year in Northern Ontario on a beautiful island property owned by the company principal. I enjoy it immensely. As a team-building exercise we’re broken down into teams of three. One year I’m teamed with the CFO and Sr. Accounting Manager. I like these guys. Great gunna d laughs together. Me, the lone Sales Guy in the Threesome. We’re dropped off on a neighbouring island left to build a rudimentary – functional – wheelbarrow using fallen tree branches, twine and a useless mini handsaw thingy. It’s cold, wet and miserable out. Rescued hours later. Our contraption placed dead last. Beaten by IT. 😎

      Liked by 1 person

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