I Formally Introduced Carl … Carlos … Carlito …
Cee for short. The dude goes by several hip monikers.
He’ll answer to almost anything starting with a C, including Charlie, but don’t ever call him Chuck unless the two of you are tight.
… Just The Way He Is About Certain Things …
CARL’S AN ARACHNID
Arachno-something-something … Arthopods … You Should Look It Up …
Spider Guy will suffice.
… Obvious By His Eight Long, Spindly Legs And Inherent, Unapologetically Creepiness.
NOT THE FIRST
Of His Buggy-Faced Type To Settle Down In My Modest Abode …
There have been several other Carl’s before this Carl.
Though I haven’t the heart to tell Carl he may be descended from a long Family Tree of former Octopede occupants with a nefarious, yet entirely predictable fate.
… I suspect Carl is an inquisitive Gladys Kravitz nosy neighbor type, and will demand to know where the others of his namesake kin have
I Don’t Know … Not A Clue … Where The Other Carl’s Have Gone …
I have theories. Conjecture, really. None are optimistic with Pretty Happy Endings.
“For The Record – PETA, I’m All The Way With You – There’s Plenty To Eat Around My Place.”
… Its Comfortable, Spacious Enough, And Well, What More Does An Insect Need But Love?
Coronated As Carl The Fifth …
Evidently, C5 and I are new roommates. His choice, not mine. I don’t recall listing my place on Kijiji …
We’re far from Besties – Okay, I have attachment issues – though we do share a mutually beneficial truce:
… I Don’t Murder Carl – I Never Kill Insects (*) – And, He Stays Out Of My Bedroom.
CARL’S UNNECESSARY DATING BIO
He’s Lean & Sexy … A thread under an inch (2.5 cm) and a couple of grams naked wet …
Long, Dark and Handsome beyond traditional definitions. Coy. Smart. Athletic.
Bit of an aloof slacker in the Romance department – Aren’t They All, Girls? – but has a high ceiling for unlimited potential whenever he puts his mind to something.
Such as … Inheriting The Earth (Post Armageddon) should the preeminent favorites Zombie Cockroaches fail at the final curtain.
CARL’S LIFE SKILLS
Climb Walls … Spin Webs … Eat Crumbs …
Make spidery messes.
Maybe that’s just pepper.
… About It.
Webs … There, I Said It … Like Carl Was In The Room …
Sure, cool. Ah-May-Zing! Awesome skills, Bra. Applauso.
Slow Clap. Just not in my house, dude. And, if you must – Don’t Ever – please keep it down low, in the corners, and away from head height.
… Because Spitting Out Silky Web Fibers Is A Grim Reality I’m Taking A Hard Pass On.
FUN FACT CONFESSION DIGRESSION
Carl Is One Lucky SOB … That Buffy ‘The Mouse Slayer’ Doesn’t Live With Me …
He’d have an unkind fate.
Buffy’s an impossibly beautiful gray tabby with appreciable predatory skills, i.e. She kills living things when she’s not napping, eating or playing in the kitty litter box.
A former rescued Barn Kitten with Legit Street Cred – White Mittens, How Cute? – now a dominant Feline Queen, with a penchant for stalking anything with the dumb sense to move, breathe, or occupy her space.
THE LIFE OF CARL
Can’t Be Long … But, I’m Doing My Part … By Doing Nothing …
“… (*) I No Longer Exterminate Insects At The Mere Sight Of Them, Because That’s Just Not Nice And Unnecessarily Cruel.”
I haven’t for
many, many years some time, which again does nothing to deepen my failure to ascend into higher consideration for Humanitarian of The Millenia Candidacy.
… Their Fate Isn’t Up To Me, So I Tend To Stay The Hell Out Of Their Way.
WHERE’D CARL GO?
He’s Around Here Somewhere … Keeping A Low Profile … Probably Under The Scale In The Bathroom …
“Uh, If Carl’s Crawling Around The Open Shelves Of The Side Table In The Kitchen … And If He’s Reading This … Scram, You Little Sh!t.”
I normally don’t chase spiders – or ambulances, bad odours, discontent haters, etc. – so, if Carl’s playing Hide & Seek …
… I’m Not Amused.
I Snapped A Few Impromptu Shots Of Carl … For Posterity … And, You Never Know …
Also, I left Carl the keys to my domain before leaving on a week-long sojourn in Tulum.
And, while Carl’s a very patient and selfless model – Talk About Blue Steel Selfies – he’s not the most photogenic creature to grace the Earth.
… I’m Just Saying, I Couldn’t Find His Good Side.
LET CARL BE CARL
Carl Has A Purpose …
Different than mine or yours.
I’m not judging the little octo-limbed fella, creepy as he is.
… He Does His Thing, I Do Mine … Like All Of Us … We Can Make It Work Together In This Sticky Web Of Life.